Dimana Dia?

“Apakah kamu menemukannya dalam euforia?”
“Kukira begitu. Tapi saat membucah, ternyata euforia meletup dan mudah menghilang.” 〰
“Atau, dalam melankolia?”
“Kukira begitu. Tapi saat kuselami, ternyata melankolia adiktif dan menenggelamkan.”
“Lalu, dimana dia?”
“Mungkin ada di ‘antara’. Di sebuah kelegaan, yang sesungguhnya mudah dan membebaskan.” 〰

“Seperti memanah? Berupaya & merelakan, di waktu yang bersamaan.”

 

Screen Shot 2017-10-10 at 10.45.41 AM.png
(Bumi Langit Permaculture, Imogiri. Agustus 2017)

 

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To Write is to Create a Cultural Ratchet

Sedari kecil, saya gak pernah dapat urgensi untuk menulis. Dengan kemampuan komunikasi verbal saya yang mumpuni, saya selalu bisa menyampaikan isi kepala saya di setiap obrolan, saya beruntung karena dikarunia dengan kemampuan berbicara tanpa sekat rasa malu. Tapi dengan komunikasi lisan yang lancar, urgensi saya untuk menuangkan gagasan lewat tulisan jadi sangat minim. Hingga sebuat kalimat dari Professor favorit saya mengubah pandangan saya akan bahasa tulisan.

 

 

“Writing is the exponentiation of the known. It create a cultural ratchet.” — Prof. Brian Cox

Saya suka banget definisi ini! Bikin saya ingin membedah kalimat ini di meja kadaver linguistik saya!

Exponentiation

; the operation of raising one quantity to the power of another

; memuai

Exponentiation of the known

; membuat sesuatu yang telah diketahui menjadi tumbuh, berkembang, dan berlipat ganda.

Ratchet

; a process that is perceived to be changing in a series of irreversible steps

; sesuatu yang tidak dapat di balikkan.

Cultural ratchet

; membuat perubahan budayawi, yang tidak bisa dikembalikan seperti bagaimana mestinya.

Petumbuhan pengetahuan yang dilipat gandakan lewat pembaca ini bisa mengubah pemikiran dan mindset suatu budaya, dan perubahan ini tidak ada tombol “undo”.

Saya baru tahu tentang pentingnya mewariskan gagasan lewat tulisan. Ternyata bukan hanya untuk mengabadikan gagasan, tapi untuk mempercepat perubahan.

Saya teringat kata-kata Newton

“I build my knowledge in the shoulder of giants” — Newton

Euclid > Descartes > Galileo > Newton

Yang dilakukan oleh newton itu sebenernya meneruskan gagasan dari para filsuf dan saintis yang sudah membuat cultural ratchet dari tulisan-tulisannya. Meneruskan warisan.

Konsepsi inilah yang telah (berhasil) mendorong saya untuk semangat menulis.

Celestial Alphabet (Spirituality) VS Terra Alphabet (Science)

“We are human being who tramps on earth, on the Terra, on this physical realm. But don’t we forget that we are also celestial being who meant to transcend to sky, to the Caelus, on the etheric realm.”

The notion that science and spirituality are mutually exclusive does a disservice to both.

“‘Spirit’ comes from the Latin word ‘to breath’. What we breathe is air, which is certainly matter, however thin. Despite usage to the contrary, there is no necessary implication in the word ‘spiritual’ that we are talking of anything other than matter, or anything outside the realm of science.

When we recognize our place in an immensity of light years in the passage of ages,

when we grasp the intricacy,

beauty and subtlety of life,

our emotion in the presence of great art,

or music,

or literature,

or of acts of examplary selfless courage,

then that soaring feeling of elation and humility combined, is surely spiritual.

The very act of understanding is a celebration of joining, merging, even if on a very modest scale, with the magnificence of the Cosmos.

Science is not only compatible with spirituality, it is a profound source of spirituality.

The notion that science and spirituality are mutually exclusive does a disservice to both.”

Sagan, Carl. The Demon-Haunted World: Science As a Candle in the Dark. New York: Random House, 1995.

Tritangtu & The 3 Dimensional World

“Gazing up at the sky should be a mandatory habit”

Why so? She asked.

The 3 Dimensional world, where we lived in right now, transpires a perfect polarity; positive & negative, rich & poor, virtue & vice, empirical & theoritical, mystical & physical,

Feminine & masculine,

Feeling & reasoning,

Sky & earth,

Yin & yang,

Celestial & Terra.

So, what? She asked again, impatiently

Human is the “&

Our feet are nailed to this earth, bounded by gravity and our worldly desires. And this bound often makes us forget that we are here to be the link between those polarity, makes us forget that we are here to embrace both polar.

To be both subtle and hard, to be both nice and evil, to be both selfish and altruist, to feel both misery and pleasure. The first step into harmony, is from experiencing both extremity.

Human is the “&

Gazing up at the sky reminds us that we live in the centre of the polar between Sky & Earth.

Human, Sky & Earth; Tritangtu, the trinity that exists to balance the polarity.

Habluminallah-habluminannas-habluminal’alam

Menjadi Mentor: Sepriyadi #1

“Vita non est vivere sed valere vita est”

Inhale.. Exhale..

Sambil saya mengatur napas, saya berusaha menguntai sinaps demi sinaps yang ada di kepala saya agar bisa hadir dan menjadi dalam ke-sekarang-an. Meditasi telah jadi sebuah ritual pagi yang sudah saya lakukan sejak 2 tahun lalu, agar saya bisa mendapatkan kesendirian yang sepi sebelum saya keluar ke dunia luar yang sangat riuh.

Tapi sejak 3 bulan lalu, saya jarang mendapat kesepian yang saya idamkan dari ritual pagi ini. Semenjak saya numpang tinggal di RMHR, ritual pagi saya pasti terinterupsi oleh suara mondar-mandir orang atau bau rokok yang menjadi ritual pagi penghuni lain di rumah ini. Dalam keadaan terbaiknya, rumah ini sangat hangat dengan keriuahannya. Tapi semua keriuhan ini perlu di netralisir dengan sebuah keheningan pagi. “Setidaknya, biarkan saya punya waktu sendiri di pagi hari!”, keluh saya dalam hati.

Inhale.. exhale..

Suatu pagi, ditengah sebuah helaan napas, seseorang menginterupsi dengan suara sedikit bergetar. Suara bergetar ini sesungguhnya terdengar tak cukup berani untuk menginterupsi, tapi tampaknya ia punya dorongan gigantik dari dalam dirinya sehingga memberanikannya untuk akhirnya menyapa. Biasanya interupsi macam ini bikin saya bete, tapi kali ini engga.

“Teh…. teh Gadis lagi sibuk ga?”

Suara bergetar itu keluar dari mulut Sepriyadi. Seorang lelaki paruh baya, kurus kering, tingginya mungkin lebih dari 170cm, berkulit sawo matang. Ia adalah salah seorang anak jalanan yang menjadi penghuni di RMHR sejak lama. Mungkin umurnya lebih tua dari saya, tapi saya tak pernah berani menanyakan langsung. Takut menyinggung. Supaya sopan, saya selalu memanggilnya dengan sebutan Aa Sepri.

Tentu, dengan asas kesopanan juga, saya menghentikan ritual meditasi saya dan menyambut sapaan A Sepri. Tapi ini bukan cuman balasan sapa yang normatif dari dorongan Fe* dominan saya, sesungguhnya asas penasaran juga telah mendorong saya untuk menanyakan keperluannya. Ada urgensi sebesar apa, sampai-sampai A Sepri berani menginterupsi ritual pagi saya dan memaksakan suara bergetar itu untuk menyapa?

“Ada yang bisa Gadis bantu, A Sepri?”, tanya saya lembut.

“Umm.. Jadi gini, Teh… Teh Gadis teh kerjaannya jadi guru kan ya?

Gini, Teh.. Sepri teh wawasannya sempit banget. Sepri teh dulu cuman sekolah sampe kelas 3 SD, abis itu gak bisa ngelanjutin lagi. Tapi dari dulu Sepri teh pengen banget punya wawasan luas kayak yang lain, kayak yang sekolah. Pengen banget jadi pinter kayak yang lain.

Boleh gak.. kalau… teh Gadis ngajarin Sepri?

Ngajarin apa aja, terserah Teteh. Sepri mau kok diajarin apa aja! Yang penting, Sepri bisa pinter juga kayak yang sekolah!

Mendengar cerita singkat ini, gimana saya gak luluh?!

Interupsi ini sama sekali tidak mengganggu ritual saya. Malah, interupsi ini seakan memperkaya meditasi saya. Sinaps berantakan yang sedari tadi coba saya aktivasi, tiba-tiba langsung bangun dan berjajar rapih. Usaha saya untuk terkoneksi dengan semesta seakan langsung tinggi sinyalnya karena saya bisa terhubung dengan A Sepri, lewat sebuah interupsi halus dari suara yang bergetar.

Dengan semangat, saya langsung bilang,

“A Sepri, makasih ya udah dateng dan minta hal ini. Gadis janji, Gadis bakal kasih tau semua hal yang Gadis tau ke A Sepri!”

Obrolannya beneran sesingkat itu. Tanpa introduksi bertele-tele, dan tanpa akhiran yang kompleks. Pagi itu, saya mengakhiri ritual saya dengan helaan napas panjang.

Fiuuuh… Exhale..

 


Tapi setelah itu momen itu berlalu, langsung ada banyak pertanyaan yang saya tau harus saya jawab secepatnya;

  • Harus mulai dari mana ya?
  • Harus pakai metoda apa ya?
  • Harus atur ekspektasi seperti apa ya?

Dengan banjiran pertanyaan ini, saya tau bahwa ini akan jadi pembelajaran yang baru buat saya!

Apa sih yang betul-betul ingin saya ajarkan ke A Sepri? Apa yang bisa membuat A Sepri berani mendobrak paradigma “anak lulusan 3 SD” yang selama ini membatasi dirinya?

“Vita non est vivere sed valere vita est” = “Life is more than merely staying alive”

Langkah Pertama

Buku Catatan.

Untuk A Sepri yang sudah terbiasa menjalani hidupnya hanya untuk bertahan hidup di jalanan, 2 paradigma pertama yang harus disetel ulang dari kepala A Sepri adalah: Hidup itu bukan cuman sekedar untuk bertahan hidup dan Pengetahuan gak harus didapat dari ruang kelas & ijazah, tapi bisa didapat dimana-mana.

Saya pikir, kemampuan menaklik adalah sebuah kemampuan yang primordial dan harus dilatih setiap hari oleh seseorang. Dengan sebuah buku catatan, saya harap dia bisa menaklik hari-hari yang dilewatinya dan mengambil pelajaran dari sana. Seperti Socrates bilang, “Unexamined life is not worth living”

Langkah Kedua

Rasa penasaran.

“Bukan cuman karya arsitektur yang bisa dibilang sebagai sebuah lingkungan binaan. Tapi juga ruang belajar itu harusnya jadi lingkungan binaan!”. Pernyataan ini terhempas dari teman saya terkagum-kagum dengan tulisan Avianti Armand. Saya setuju seratus persen.

Ruang belajar itu gak seharusnya punya mimbar. Kala ini, ruang belajar yang paling efektif adalah lingkungan binaan yang secara natural menghadirkan titik bifurkasi; titik lompatan untuk seseorang mencapai tempat yang lebih jauh.

Caranya adalah dengan menginduksi rasa penasaran di setiap kelas, dan membuat A Sepri melompat dengan sendirinya.

Karena sesungguhnya, guru paling agung itu bukan seorang lelaki berjanggut dengan titel professor. Guru paling baik ada disekitarmu, di Semesta yang kamu tinggali.

Manusia cuman harus berusaha jadi murid yang baik. Baik bukan dalam arti ‘penurut’, tapi menjadi murid yang ingin mendengarkan dan menaklik apa-apa yang diajarkan oleh Semesta ini.

Saya akan membuat jurnal selama menjadi mentor Sepriyadi. Ini adalah halaman pembukanya.


Catatan kecil: Sebagai seorang ENFJ, saya emang suka (dan secara natural) ngajarin orang dengan menginduksi nilai-nilai Ni. Saya butuh tambahan ‘guru’ yang bisa menambah nilai-nilai lain dalam konteks Ne, Te, Ti, Si atau Se! So please do tell me if you want to help A Sepri to break his own boundaries, and achieve more than what was expected of him.

“Vita non est vivere sed valere vita est” = “Life is more than merely staying alive”

My Expectation of Ubud

“Before you came here, what do you think will happen to you in Ubud?

“Like.. my expectation of Ubud?”
“Yep! Like for me, it was the image of Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love. What’s yours?”

On December 2016, I was having the best 2-week trip of my life.

It started from a call from a dear friend.

“Gadis, do you want to come visit me in Ubud for the New Year?”

“But…….”

“Sssshhh… I know, I know. You’d say ‘But…. I don’t have the money, I don’t have the luxury to go on holiday’, yada yada. Just, stop talking now. I know your financial problem and I know that you won’t be interested having a common Bali holiday. What if..

I offer you to work for me in Ubud for 2 weeks?

I’ll pay your plane ticket & accommodation, so your money concern is resolved. Also, you can keep your Pitta-mind active by working for me & Kimmana.

How’s that sound?”

This phone call brought me to a trip I never thought I would have. Ever in my life, I never have a desire to go on a holiday. For me — who worked part-time jobs since I was 15 yo — I thought that I can’t afford the luxury of a holiday. Spending travel expenses to go somewhere and being ‘idle’ is not something that I want, and certainly not something I want to spend my hard-gained money for.

But this one is not a usual holiday, it’s a working-holiday arrangement. I get to do something ‘productive’ while I’m there, and my travel expenses covered. A perfect arrangement to solve my concerns!

That trip is not only giving me many enlightenments, but also it induced a new desire into me. A desire to learn from the unfamiliar.

Lucky for me, that same friend — who called me last year — has offered me the same arrangement for next year. Right now, the offer is for 5 weeks.


Fast forward one year later.

So, what am I actually doing in Ubud? What kind of work that I actually do?

Meet Kimmana & Zia Nichols, a holistic health practitioner couple who brought me here and taking me as their Young Padawan apprentice.

Kimmana is an Australian Naturopath who fell in love with ancient traditional medicine and has been living as a professional Ayurvedic Doctor for this past 9 years. As an ENTP, he always teach others about this wishy-washy science of traditional medicine with a scientific reasoning & modern point of view. His wife, Zia, has been helping him to create this holistic healing practice into a modern & sustainable business model. Zia, who originally have an education background in Law, wanted to share the wisdom that Kimmana have been learning for a decade to general public — especially to Indonesian.

What kind of work are you doing with them, Gadis?

Kimmana, who have learned many model of traditional and modern medicine, have been putting the puzzle and create a mashup of traditional health science & wisdom from India, Thailand & China. He called this new breakthrough model ThaiVedic, a Yoga & bodywork holistic therapy. He established this model with his friends in 2012. This year, they held a 200 hours ThaiVedic Teacher Training (sort of a Training for Trainers) in Ubud for a month.

My working-holiday arrangement is to work as assistant for this training. In exchange, they gave me plane tickets, place to live, food to eat and money as my take-home-pay. But they didn’t only offer me material support for me to live in Ubud, they also offer me emotional & intellectual support that I can carry throughout my life.

My last 2 week trip to Ubud have overwhelmed me. I don’t know what will coming for me in this 5 weeks trip.


This trip will be the first time I spent more than a month away from home. Living in a new place, sleeping in a new bed, breathing the different air, having new intentions.

Ah, yes. So… Back to the first question. What is my expectation of Ubud?

Obviously, I don’t expect to have the Julia-Roberts-like Ubud experience.

But I don’t want to just surrender to what the Universe will bring me either. So, I made a list of my own expectation of Ubud. Here goes:

  1. Crying my heart out — Zia told me that most of the people who join this training have went through an emotional roller coaster throughout the process. Let’s see if this experience can bring me to unexpected emotional breakdown.Update: I did cry my heart out. A past traumatic memory suddenly pops out and triggered an emotional tsunami (anger, pain, disgust) that comes in a form of a flood of tears.
  2. Detoxifying my Brain Fog — For these past few months, I feel like having this Brain-fog that keeps me from thinking clearly because I have many undigested byproduct & unprocessed thoughts. Let’s see if this fog will be cleaned up after this trip ends.
  3. Reset my biological clock & reset my taste bud — This training has schedule aligned with the circadian biology clock & have a balanced-food catering for daily meals. At sunrise, we’ll start the day with yoga class & meditation, followed with an intellectual-engaging class and discussion when the sun is in the highest and it’ll ends with a bodywork/massage therapy class before sunset. By the night come, we all can have rest & have deep sleep. And for the meal, we’ll have a full vegetarian meal every single day to give less work for the digestive system. It’s all have been carefully orchestrated so our metabolism can focus on creating new synapses and therefore can absorb the knowledge better.
  4. Have enough knowledge about health & can apply the therapy to my closest onesHealth & happiness is a direction, not a finish line. I hope I can bring my closest one into this direction once I come back to Bandung.
  5. Being a better receptor — A good receptor will not only receives the signals & stimulus that they take but also transform the stimulus into something beneficial. Even though I don’t know how would I transform it, but I’ll do the best I can.

 

Why am I making this journal

A friend once said to me,

“When you are away, you’ll most likely miss your friends back in home. But it doesn’t makes you want to go back immediately. It’s just makes you want them to come here, and experience the same process as you did.” –Paramasatya

This journal would be my love letter for my loved ones, whom I miss so much and whom I longing to be here with me.

I want them to know every bits of lesson, processes & experience that I have here. I hope this journal can connect me with you, penetrating the non-locality realm so I can feel that you’re here with me, going through this process together.

I also dedicating this journal for Zia, a dear friend who brought me here.

I want her to know that by making this leap happened, she have contributed a huge impact on my process of burgeoning. Thank you, for bringing me this far.

photo-on-11-28-16-at-12-57-pm
Let’s see how this girl will transform in 5 weeks.

 

Apoptosis and Universe’s Promise of Inevitable Separation

I’ve experienced many separations in my life, but all of the separations were barely scarred me.

From the facile separation with my material possessions due to my indecency; like when I lost my phones several times, or that time when I ‘lost’ Rp 500.000,- for a nonrefundable Go-jek top up, and many other stuffs that I lost due to my slovenliness. There were also wearying separations from a relationship disunion; like when I had a desperate breakup phase and when I thought I’d lost my mom to cancer she was having.

But still, even the weariest separation only makes me cried for 2 days but didn’t really do me any more harm than to 2 days worth of productivity. Did I cry? Yes. Did I feel sad? Yes. But none of the feels stayed for too long and I can get my chin up in no time. I seem to have a really good coping mechanism towards this issue of separation.

Because I see separation as a natural occurrence, I tend to not contending my possessions when it slipped off my hand.

But, is it the better idealism?

I thought that my view towards separation is better than others because I’ve encountered many people who suffered from a separation and it seems that they are having a bad time getting back on their own feet — without the support from their material possessions or relationship that they had. One of my good friends had his Bipolar Disorder triggered and worsen when his partner left him, and I kept him company every day & night for weeks to help him back on track and get him off his meds. So I can give almost full empathy to those who is wretched by the bitter taste of separation.

But I remember that “Too much of anything is good for nothing”. In my case, because I took separation issue too lightly to prevent myself from the agony, I never struggle to keep hold of anything and I rarely make anything — material possession nor relationship with others — sustainable. But how do we measure “enough” is not “too much?”

I believe that human body is the microcosm of the Universe, and that human is the cells of the Universe’s body. Learning to understand how our body works properly is my attempt to have a better understanding of how we — human — have to ‘works’ to create a harmonious and healthy interpersonal relation in this immense ‘body’ of the Universe.

Biochemical Promises of An Inevitable Separation

In 1842, a german scientist named Karl Vogt describes an organism cell program called Apoptosis. This is a process of programmed death which causes changes in cell’s morphology such as cell shrinkage, DNA fragmentation, and mRNA decay. Due to this process, our human body ‘kills’ 50–70 billion cells every day in order to make room for the new living cells. This discovery of Apoptosis has inspired Weismann to write the first wave of Evolutionary Theory of Aging; Programmed Death.

Apoptosis is a natural process of separation that occurs in our body on a daily basis.

This highly regulated process have grant advantages for our body during our lifecycle. It supports the cells regenerations and takes out the deceased cells in order to maintain our health.

But then again,

“Too much of anything is good for nothing”

Gadis’s Marginalia, 2016

This natural separation process is good when it is not lacks, nor too much.

LACK OF = PROLIFERATION

When the apoptotic process is not working, our body builds up too many residues because there are only a little — to none—force to separate the residues from our body. Ayurveda sees body residue as Ama, and it says that Ama isn’t only created from undigested foods, but also from the unprocessed emotions that we repressed and make our unconscious mind too fraught. Just like when we have separation with our loved ones, and we hold that bitter feeling too tight because we resist acknowledging that separation; wether it is caused by a break-up, a fight or even by death.

The resistance to accepting the apoptotic process — the separation — ignites our cell to rapidly growing out of control because there is no warden to disciplined the body ‘cell(pun intended, sorry).

Too much of anything is good for nothing, right? So is the cell growth. Without disposing of the old cells and let it withered inside, our body don’t have room to cultivate the new cells to grow freely. A Japanese organizing consultant and a best-selling author, Marie Kondo, has said that decluttering the stuff in the room and dispose of the unnecessary things could create a room that could ignite clear thinking. We should declutter our emotions, so we could immerse ourselves when the new emotions come along.

Being a youth, you must’ve feel more liberated when the old gives you room to move in your own autonomy, don’t you? Otherwise, the world will become too stodgy without the youth-ignited radical thinking.

TOO MUCH = ATROPHY

When the apoptotic process is too much — reflecting back to my case, where I embrace separation inordinately — , the process becomes an atrophy. Sure, atrophy is not a deadly word. Atrophy will decrease and devolve the effectiveness of my body cell to function normally until, gradually, shuts the body down completely because it throws too many cells away out of our body.

As I said above, I understand that separation is an inevitable natural occurrence. But I take this fact in a wrong discernment. I took zero effort to hold dear to what I already possessed — wether it is a material possession or a relationship — and voluntarily let it slipped out of my hand. I took zero effort to prevent myself from losing it.

When I lost too much of a thing, I cannot function normally. Apparently, no matter how much I convince myself that I am self-sufficient without any means of external support, I will always need that extra support. Each (four) times I lost my phone, I always keep my cool and never let the anxiety lingers for too long after the accident happened. But eventually, I will get a new phone to replace the empty role of “communication device” after the old phone got ‘accidently’ disposed of. But treating every material thing disposable has harmed our environment more than we can imagine. And if I keep treating my emotion as a disposable thing, I can never let the emotion penetrate in me and will be forever detached to other human beings.

“Too much of anything is good for nothing”

We experience separation every single day — both internally on our body biology and externally on physical+psychological measure. It is an inevitable natural occurrence. But it is our obligation to control how the separation affects us.

If it dragged you, let it go.

If it supports you, hold dear.


These links below will works magic to help you cope with separation:

“The Books I’ve Read”, how you could excerpt the lesson learned from each encounter.

“Why Love & Teaching Belong Together”, how you educate others to keep the relationship you have harmonious.

Langit terbuka luas, mengapa tidak pikiranku pikiranmu?

What benefit do we get from gazing up at the sky?

 

“It intended to produce an expanded state of conciousness in which the pain of immediate troubles is lessened by euphoric recognition of the immensity of nature and the cosmos.”

– Alain de Botton, 2016

 

 

IMG_20160105_054126
Ubud, Indonesia 2015

 

It also reminds our grandiose-self that we are not only on living on top of the world,

but we are also living under a great vast sky.

As above, so below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#nowplaying Langit Terbuka Luas by Pure Saturday